noellegiaco

"I'll have the salad," I said. "That wouldn't help," he said, "colorful vegetables wouldn't leave a stain in such a colorless self." "I guess I'll have some tea, then." "That wouldn't help either, a cold heart can't be warmed up by a cup of tea or liquor or beer." "Well, sell me a whole jar." "We don't sell those in here, just one cup at a time." "May I use the bathroom, asshole, please? Or your toilet wouldn't take my soulless pees?" "The bath is for clients only but feel free to use the trees." "FUCK YOU!" "Tonight?" "Nine o'clock."

I was playing Where's Wally?, but I didn't like red, I was searching for blue instead. Don't you get better if you play everyday? I was committed to practice and sometimes I could find him. "Look! Here! Wally behind that whaler!" "That's not Wally, you idiot, that's a sailor. Why don't you just let go? What do you need blue for?" "It's fucking Wally, he just took off his glasses and is wearing different clothes."

I forced your face on my needs, and it became one before I could see it was made of plastic. Rumination turned into deep useless reflection, assisted by fruit flies and lever-pressing rats. I made an effort not to spit on the mirror while brushing my teeth, but tiny white drops dried and accumulated faster than I was willing to clean them. They showed me the mess expanding beyond myself. Accusing spots pointing at different parts of my brain, parts unwilling to negotiate with one another. I could see what was going on, still, it wasn't of any use. It looked like it was because of you or your mask. It wasn't. I replaced you like a dirty diaper

I wished I could walk around the rainbow and get a glimpse from an angle. I despised the frontal view, I didn't want to face the blue. So I walked and walked, always hoping for some change and when I looked at the colors it was always the same range. The next thing I remember is parts of the sky that were blue being covered by my wishes and the sun not shining through. It all turned gray and the rainbow disappeared, I've never seen anything blue again or of any color since that year.